Happy Valentine's day to you all! I'm blessing the Lord for this day, I was saved on this day 10 years ago. I remember it very clearly searching and searching for love and was not finding it anywhere. Was very hurt and very unhappy. I grew up in a non Christian home didn't go to church, parents were divorced at a young age. Then fast forward I was about 21 I wasn't into drugs or alcohol was pretty much a "good girl" trying to please everyone but had been seeking for love, just really wounded and hurt and ended up in a bad relationship with a guy. He was a gambler and into drinking and drugs. I was a waitress and worked and worked to give him money. Took out loans for him etc. He would say he was going to pay me back and then didn't. Each time I believed that he would, I thought he was going to change. I really believed I was going to get love in return for doing this for him. I was super deceived at the time, not knowing who I was or what I deserved or that I was even loved. I just was super hurt by people and it was getting to the point where I couldn't trust anyone. It was getting pretty bad and I was really depressed. Then I thought most of my Christian friends are always happy oh I should go to church then. Searched for churches then found this church and went to it for a while. Just went by myself and sat in the back then left real fast because I was so afraid to talk to people and that I would get hurt. One day I filled out this connection card and I checked the box that said I have questions and would like someone to call me. So the pastor called me and we started meeting weekly and I had my list of questions for him about what was being taught and about the bible. Finally one day(Valentine's Day) when I met with my pastor I gave my heart to the Lord!(Bless you Pastor Chris!) At that time I was still in this bad relationship I would have weekly meetings with one of our pastors(Love ya Terre) and he would coach me through how to leave this guy. Finally left him and from there started a process of healing with the Lord. About a year later I started getting hungry for the Lord and for His word, the word was coming alive. I would stay up late at night and read the bible. They started having prayer meetings at our church where we were learning prophecy and learning about the Holy Spirit. During this same time is when I met Tom, he was the leader of my small group. Tom and I started meeting and going out for coffee and just reading the bible and going after John 15:1-5 all about abiding. Then I found out about IHOP and the One thing conference and raised money to go. I had never been around so many young people loving the Lord and had never experienced this kind of worship. At the conference I decided I needed to do an internship and I felt like if I didn't go right then, then I probably never would. So raised money and with in a week went to do the internship, moved and Tom and I were together at that time and did a long distance relationship for 8 months. There I grew so much, living in community, learned how to pray, first time learning about end times and stuff but the big thing was I learned that God really loves me actually He likes me. That it's not about petitions it's about a friendship a relationship. Found out who I am in Him, that I am beautiful in His sight, that I am lovely and His delight. All this was new to me, I always longed for an identity and finally found one in Him. My prayers were being answered one after another with provision and heart issues. He did all this because He loves me and that's it He love us guys! I mean it's not just some saying He really does. I finally came to that place of being able to receive His love and once I received His love I was able to pour out my love whole heartedly. And now this is the kind of life I am called to live is be a radical lover of God, my husband is and we are raising are kids to be radical lovers of God.
Today I am thanking the Lord for His kindness towards me! What a journey it has been. The Lord healed my heart in so many areas and continues to. My dream was to be able to pray all day, I didn't think it ever would be possible. As all you know it is! The Lord is so good to me, he saved me and set me free, he's healed me in so many ways and even on my bad days He still loves me. Another dream of mine was to be married with kids. It is all I ever wanted. I was praying for "the one" and I would always say I wanted 10 children. Looks like God is answering prayer! I definitely met the love of my life, we are going on 5 yrs married this Friday, so exciting. Looks like God is giving me those children I asked for and He's doing it fast. So all this to say....He is good and I am blessed. I pray He will show you He is love today just He did for me!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
My prayer has been sustain me and refresh me oh God. Honestly it has been a rough season for me lately. It's freezing here and we've had snow for forever now. Our car isn't always starting only some days depending on how cold it is. We all got sick and then I just ran out of strength to keep it together. I've been seeing my weaknesses, my heart struggles, and realizing I really can't live this life on my own, I can't do it without God. I can't control everything and that life isn't always going to look the way I want it to look like. So this week has been a real turning point for me as I have had to be honest with myself, with Tom and with the Lord that I've been trying to do things my own way and not His way. Yikes that is a scary reality. I realized I've pulled a little bit away from God. I've been doing my normal bible reading each morning, praying through out the day and with the kids and Tom but still in my heart I just wasn't being honest with the Lord. So yesterday as I was making breakfast I had the webstream on in the kitchen, which is my favorite thing to do in the mornings. So I'm stirring the oatmeal and the worship leader starts singing " There's someone in here that has pulled back from the Lord just a little bit, something has caused you to doubt, to question His goodness. There's a pain inside that He wants to touch this morning." That is when I lost it and just wept and wept in the kitchen. He was speaking right to me! I had pulled back I had doubted His goodness and I had pain. Then the worship leader sang "Do not loose heart, do not grow weary of doing good, don't pull back, don't abandon your goals you set before me to be a woman filled with the word of God. Keep going, keep pressing, keep believing. The wind of the Spirit, the breath of God will sustain you!" Just what I wanted to hear, and I felt Him, I felt Him in my kitchen ministering to my heart. I felt Him refreshing me and sustaining me! I just love those God moments, I needed that refreshing! Just felt like someone else needed to hear this and to be reminded that He sees you, He hears your cry and He will sustain you, He will come to you and He is good! He loves you!
~Be blessed today, Hilary!
~Be blessed today, Hilary!